Just got a call from President Obama and Mr. Romney asking MY opinion and this is what I had to say, for what it’s worth:
If I am elected King, money shall grow on trees
and the on the bodies of beasts of the forest.
If I am appointed Chancellor, I shall institute a snooze button that stops time
until you’re good and ready to get up.
If I ascend to Kaiser, I shall decree Wednesday a day off with pay,
to recover from Monday and Tuesday and get ready for Thursday and Friday.
If I am elected King, every Monday will be the day before a 4-day holiday.
If I become Heap Big Boss of the Applesauce, gonna be some changes made!
If I am hired as Chief Event Coordinator, there will always be Free Beer Tomorrow!
If I am appointed as Dean of Hedonistic Studies, a Task Force will be formed to investigate reports that Mondays are being inappropriately used for work.
If I am elected to the Board of Bacchanalia, we will drink like Vikings until dawn
and still wake up fresh as daisies.
If I am appointed Commissioner of Physical Existence, I will roll out technology that makes it possible to DVR life so you can rewind for do-overs and fast-forward through the tedious parts.
If I ascend to Master of Time, Space and Dimension, you will be able
to adjust gravity to your own personal preference.
If I become Queen of the Roller Derby, I get an all-time automatic head start
all the way to the first turn.
If I am elected King, unicorns will run wild
on their own island off the coast of Virginia.
If I am chosen as All-Time Captain of Sandlot Baseball Games,
I get automatic first and last pick.
If I am appointed Head Honcho, I will amend Roberts Rules of Order to allow the use of high volume air horns and Professional Wrestling takedowns at all meetings.
If I rise to the rank of Commodore, everyone will get a free sailboat.
If I am chosen as Miss America, I will bring an end to world hunger
and negotiate world peace.
If I am elected King, daily naps will be the law of the land,
with overtime pay for dreaming.
So it be written ….
so it be done…..
October 4, 2012 at 8:14 am
This is marvelous. However, I had a different response, being disappointed in the way my man Barack came off, and wrote my own poem about it–not as entertaining as yours, but it’s what I felt.
The First Debate
What upset me was
Barack looked old and tired,
graying hair a little grayer,
shoulders stooped, head bowed
before Romney’s confidence—
the confidence of a man whose current
profession is campaigning, who
prepared for this debate like
a well-bankrolled prizefighter
intent on the heavyweight title.
Barack looked like the kind of guy
Barack wants to help, the middle-class
worker exhausted from a day of hard
work at the factory, a bit sad, a bit
whiny, wanting northing more than to
open a beer, kick back on the sofa
and watch TV—if only
there were something on
besides this fucking debate.
October 4, 2012 at 11:47 am
Yup. I agree. I actually thought the whole thing was a disappointment all the way around.
October 4, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Wonderful! You’ve got my vote!
October 4, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Thank you thank you! No applause please, I have a headache!
October 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm
an excellent synopsis!
On Wed, Oct 3, 2012 at 10:46 PM, Your Own Back Yard ~ Writing and Art ~
October 4, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind.
October 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I’ll vote for you!
November 6, 2012 at 11:18 am
Thank you, you’re too kind!