I’m slowly climbing a hill, when a Dodge Caravan

drives right up my tail and blows past me

going about 80 miles per hour in a no passing zone.

“Baby on Board” is fixed to the rear window.


I wonder if baby is driving.


I used to think  “Baby on Board”

was an admonition to the rest of us

to drive with tender, loving care

out of  respect for baby.


I now understand

the real intent of the message is to indicate

where a young child is located in the vehicle

should there be an accident or breakdown.


Signs that tell me what to do

just make me want to do

all the things

I was taught not to do ~


drive fast – take a lot of chances, stick my fingers in the fan,

run with scissors, touch a hot stove,  lick a frozen flag pole,

walk under ladders, step on cracks on the sidewalk,

go swimming right after eating, play in traffic with a sharp stick.


While we’re at it, let’s talk

about messages on bumper stickers.

There are common ones with political or religious content.

I even have one on my own car, but I think they’re really boring.


My favorite bumper stickers convey a message

that is irreverent or  contains at least some a sense of irony,

not the annoying: “I brake for unicorns”

but messages with more hair and teeth ~


“Rugby Players Eat Their Dead”

“Dial 911- Make a Cop Come” – or –

the mother of  all politically incorrect:

“Nuke the Gay Whales for Jesus”


Anyway, I think bumper stickers are dangerous.


You have to tailgate in order to read them,

and now you’re reading, when you should be driving

with tender, loving care, in case the car in front of you

has a baby on board.


Honk if you love Elvis!