I’m slowly climbing a hill, when a Dodge Caravan
drives right up my tail and blows past me
going about 80 miles per hour in a no passing zone.
“Baby on Board” is fixed to the rear window.
I wonder if baby is driving.
I used to think “Baby on Board”
was an admonition to the rest of us
to drive with tender, loving care
out of respect for baby.
I now understand
the real intent of the message is to indicate
where a young child is located in the vehicle
should there be an accident or breakdown.
Signs that tell me what to do
just make me want to do
all the things
I was taught not to do ~
drive fast – take a lot of chances, stick my fingers in the fan,
run with scissors, touch a hot stove, lick a frozen flag pole,
walk under ladders, step on cracks on the sidewalk,
go swimming right after eating, play in traffic with a sharp stick.
While we’re at it, let’s talk
about messages on bumper stickers.
There are common ones with political or religious content.
I even have one on my own car, but I think they’re really boring.
My favorite bumper stickers convey a message
that is irreverent or contains at least some a sense of irony,
not the annoying: “I brake for unicorns”
but messages with more hair and teeth ~
“Rugby Players Eat Their Dead”
“Dial 911- Make a Cop Come” – or –
the mother of all politically incorrect:
“Nuke the Gay Whales for Jesus”
Anyway, I think bumper stickers are dangerous.
You have to tailgate in order to read them,
and now you’re reading, when you should be driving
with tender, loving care, in case the car in front of you
has a baby on board.
Honk if you love Elvis!