If I am elected King, money shall grow on trees

and the on the bodies of beasts of the forest.


If I am appointed Chancellor, I shall institute a snooze button that stops time

until you’re good and ready to get up.


If I ascend to Kaiser, I shall decree Wednesday a day off with pay,

to recover from Monday and Tuesday and get ready for Thursday and Friday.


If I am elected King, every Monday will be the day before a 4-day holiday.


If I become Heap Big Boss of the Applesauce, gonna be some changes made!


If I am hired as Chief Event Coordinator, there will always be Free Beer Tomorrow!


If I am appointed as Dean of Hedonistic Studies, a Task Force will be formed to

investigate reports that Mondays are being inappropriately used for work.


If I am elected to the Board of Bacchanalia, we will drink like Vikings until dawn

and still wake up fresh as daisies.


If I am appointed Commissioner of Physical Existence, I will roll out technology

that makes it possible to DVR life

so you can rewind for do-overs

and fast-forward through the tedious parts.


If I ascend to Master of Time, Space and Dimension, you will be able

to adjust gravity to your own personal preference.


If I become Queen of the Roller Derby, I get an all-time automatic head start

all the way to the first turn.


If I am elected King, unicorns will run wild

on their own island off the coast of Virginia.


If I am chosen as All-Time Captain of Sandlot Baseball Games,

I get automatic first and last pick.


If I am appointed Head Honcho, I will amend Roberts Rules of Order to allow

the use of high volume air horns and Professional Wrestling takedowns at all meetings.


If I rise to the rank of Commodore, everyone will get a free sailboat.


If I am chosen as Miss America, I will bring an end to world hunger

and negotiate world peace.


If I am elected King, daily naps will be the law of the land,

with overtime pay for dreaming.


So it be written ….

so it be done…..

etc. etc…..

Mojo Hand