If Napoleon were alive today

I imagine him wearing a large bicorne hat

standing in that iconic hand-in-waistcoat gesture

reaching for his I Pod Touch to dial in the 1812 Overture

from his “Classic Works of Russian Composers” play list.


I can see Sigmund

in his cozy mahogany paneled study,

his face illuminated by the soft light of his MacBook Pro,

as he Googles the meaning

of the idiom: “Yo Mama!”


Imagine how much confusion

might have been avoided

if Christopher Columbus

had been able to MapQuest

his route to the East Indies.


It’s not too hard to envision

a little fire at the Circus Maximus

getting out of hand and turning into a cataclysmic conflagration

while Nero was preoccupied

updating his Facebook status.


I can’t help but wonder

how the tides of history

might have turned

if Genghis Khan’s relentless advance across the steppes

had been broadcast on his Twitterfeed.


It’s easy to understand

how the Pony Express

would have gone right out of business

if homesteading rights had included

unlimited text messaging.


It doesn’t take a genius to speculate

how the Declaration of Independence

might have been written using GoogleDocs.

But I’d really like to know, what would Ernest do

with a Fishfinder in Old Man and the Sea?